The intangible line between “I want” and “I should”

That seems to be one of those eternal questions, doesn’t it? I’m currently going through what seems to be “the 30s crisis”, whereby I question complete aspects of the person I am and the things I do. This crisis seems to be hitting especially hard when it comes to my professional life.

The big questions I’m having at this point of my life refer basically to what I do as a professional, that is to say, my day-to-day job.

On the one hand, I’m trying to discover whether what I do makes me happy and whether I feel passionate (or at least partly passionate) about it. At this point, I know for a fact that my current situation (job-wise) makes me feel more than unsatisfied. My big question in this case is whether what I do makes me unhappy, or doing what I do WHERE I do it makes me unhappy. That’s a major bridge to cross yet.

On the other hand, it’s seems to be a perfect time for me to analyse what is special about me, what makes me “unique” and what I’m really good at. This is a much more difficult process, a long road to keep on walking. Every person I ask seems to be going through it, no matter whether they’re in their 20s, 30s, 40s…

So, what seems to be the problem here? Is it that our current education systems and lifestyles are depriving ourselves from our very basics? Are we being cut by the same patterns? Why is everybody massively lost and desperately trying to find themselves?

When facing an opportunity like one I’m facing at the moment, I have this big question mark: I don’t want to keep on doing what I’m doing WHERE I’m doing it right now. I simply don’t know if I want to keep on doing what I’m doing. Maybe I’d like to change careers. When facing, let’s say, an interview for a position where you’ll do that same you’ve been doing so far, plus some new development in your careers, plus better conditions, better salary, chance to travel, so on and so forth, yet something inside you seriously rejects it, what is one supposed to do?

Is my “I should” stronger and, somewhat, more valid than my “I want”? Should I just suck it up and move forward? Or should I break from it all and try to re-discover myself, this way trying to redesign my world?

Oh, questions, questions… what a load of them…

— Jorge —